The social function of literature?

On Thursday I rushed (quite unnecessarily, as it turns out) from a lunchtime yoga class I teach at UNSW to get on a bus to Canberra to visit my family. I’ve written here before about how I like catching a bus or a train somewhere by myself. It means I get Thinking Time.

I’ve got a lot to think about at the moment. Exciting plans, not-yet-plans, writing, reading, family stuff, money (sigh). When I slumped back in the seat on the bus yesterday, I realised that it’s actually been quite some time since I’ve given myself a break to think. I mean, I think a whole lot as I travel all over the place to teach yoga and various forms of writing. But it’s really been ages since I’ve let myself just think. When you’re travelling to teach, there’s only so far you can let your thoughts wander, in case you end up missing the bus stop or distracting yourself so much that you end up referring to your students’ feet as their hands and inadvertently instructing them to tie themselves up in strange knots. (I frequently say things like, “Inhale, walk your feet forwards between your feet… I mean…”)

Anyway. That’s a (very) round about way of saying that I got some thinking time yesterday. I put my headphones in, found some thinking music and stared out the window.

One of the things that’s been on my mind lately is the social function of literature. In my ramblings on writing as activism I touched on the idea that my writing is often an attempt to understand the world from someone else’s point of view. I’m starting to try and unpack that idea bit by bit.

Allow me to be embarrassingly earnest here for a moment.

Essentially, for me, trying to put myself in other people’s shoes in writing is about compassion. Most of the things that anger me most about the world come down to other people’s lack of compassion. Human beings seem to have this innate ability to lose all compassion for other people. And then they’re jerks to one another. It drives me nuts. (Happily, I’m also often pleasantly surprised by people’s capacity — sometimes those very same people — for compassion.) I’m guilty of it too, of course, and I reserve my harshest judgement for myself.

One of things that interests me most about yogic philosophy is its teachings on compassion. Yoga teaches compassion for all living things, human or otherwise, because all those living things are really part of the same thing. Atman, Brahma, the Self, the Buddha Self, the Universe. A whole lot of names for the same idea. Whatever you want to call it, and whether or not you’re interested in identifying yourself as belonging to one of the traditions that teaches this stuff, the idea that we’re all connected to one another — all dependent on one another — is intriguing.

When I write, I certainly don’t sit down and think, “I know, I’m going to write a piece that teaches everybody that they’re equal to the homeless man they wouldn’t normally look at.” I’m not out to write didactically. But I don’t think it’s possible to write or read stories about human beings — particularly fiction — without being pushed in some small way to think about the world from another person’s perspective. Even if just for a moment. And hey, we might not always feel compassion for the people or characters that we’re reading about (especially if you’re not a bleeding heart, like I apparently am), but even just a glimpse into that perspective, I think, has the potential to shift something in the writer and the reader.

For me, this is what literature is all about: exploring and presenting different perspectives, suggestion and question. The word that I use to explain that process is compassion, because it makes sense to me. Compassion doesn’t mean agreeing with the person or character’s perspective, but it does mean attempting to understand it. Which of course means, for me, also attempting to understand the perspective of the people in the world who are jerks to each other.

Let me get down from my soapbox now. Pack away my pompous wanker pants.

Talking about compassion and linking it to the social function of literature is problematic, I think. I’m an eldest child, and was often accused of lecturing my younger brothers (most of the time the accusation was probably spot on). As a result, as an adult I’m really conscious of not lecturing people. Saying that literature teaches people compassion makes me uncomfortable, as if I’m advocating the kind of writing that’s overtly didactic, even patronising. Writing that lectures, in other words. That kind of writing, I think, actually creates obstacles in people’s thinking, rather than chipping away at the obstacles that are already there. I certainly observe that reaction in myself.

I’m not sure how to resolve this discomfort. I don’t know where the balance is. I don’t know if I even need to resolve it.

This is really the beginning of my thinking on this topic — it’s by no means an exhaustive exploration of what’s in my brain (although I do feel slightly exhausted after typing it all up). I feel like my thinking has a lot of room for development. Any thoughts on the matter (the social function of literature or the need for brain development on my part) would be most welcome.

Music obsession

You know, back in the day, how you used to buy a new CD and have it in your seedy player for the next month? I still do that with albums, even though I now use an iPod.

This guy has been my soundtrack lately. For everything. Writing, yoga, working, bed time. He’s made it onto my yoga class playlists too, so I’ve made my students listen to him. Maybe it’s because I play the piano (lazily, and therefore badly), and have done so since I was seven, but piano music seems to work its way right into the deepest, darkest parts of me and hang around for days or weeks at a time.

I also happen to love this clip, as well as the music that it accompanies.

Where to start?

The fire in my belly from my last post has me frustrated. I’ve got all this energy, all this desire to do something, but no idea where to start.

My appetite has gone nuts. For a few days there it was almost at hyperactive thyroid level — the kind of eating not uncommon to me before I had my thyroid zapped. Just like back then, it’s a need to do something (eat) rather than an actual hunger. I mean, if I don’t eat, I get hungry, but the feeling itself is not like normal hunger. And, again, it’s a hunger that doesn’t know where to start. When I get like this I’ll eat just about anything. I’ll open the pantry and the fridge and just eat things as I come across them: yoghurt followed by sultanas, followed by dry crackers, followed by a spoonful of onion jam, followed by a handful of nuts, followed by whatever chocolate I can get my hands on, followed by an intense desire to cook porridge, and while that’s cooking I’ll eat some more nuts and some more jam and maybe some more crackers and definitely some more chocolate. Of course, when the porridge is cooked I feel like I’m going to explode. But I still want to eat. And so I eat the porridge.

I should clarify. One of the ‘benefits’ of having an overactive thyroid is the crazy-fast metabolism. Constant eating, no weight gain. Sounds brilliant, doesn’t it? Read back over that last paragraph, will you? It’s terrifying and exhausting. And kinda expensive.

Now that I don’t have a thyroid, and my thyroid levels come from a little white pill every morning, my metabolism, while still fast, is much more normal. Except when my brain goes into overdrive like it seems to have in the last few weeks. (The list above, while an accurate description of the appetite of someone experiencing thyrotoxicosis, is a little hyperbolic when used to describe my appetite now. Take a few things off the list. That’s about right.) It’s like my brain needs extra fuel.

Also fuelling my brain are the many, many journal articles, newspaper articles and books I’m reading, and the videos I’m watching and the radio programmes I’m listening to. I’m jamming (ha) them all in there, hoping that my brain is like my metabolism and can process them quickly.

The other thing I’ve found myself doing is taking up lots of new projects. House projects, mainly. Today a friend of mine came around for lunch and I convinced him that it’d be a great idea for him to drive me to Bunnings (I don’t have a car) so I could spend a voucher I had. I bought a lot. Almost the second his car was out of sight I had my (new) gardening gloves on and manically planted just about everything I’d bought, even though my plan had been to leave the planting until the weekend. Then scrubbed the dirt off my hands (I’d ditched the gloves to plant the smaller stuff) and rushed off to teach a yoga class.

Now that I think about it, I’m probably achieving more than I realise with this energy. But it sure doesn’t feel that way. And therein lies the problem, I think. A while ago, I wrote over at the Monday Project about how I’ve got lots of start-up energy, but struggle with follow-through. As well as just running out of steam, not getting the time to appreciate what I’m managing to get done means that I feel like I haven’t done anything, become disheartened and, often, give up.

Kinda like how your stomach takes about twenty minutes to process what you’ve just eaten, feel full, and tell you to stop eating. If you eat quickly you end up with that discreetly-undo-the-top-button-of-your-pants-full. Not good for you in the long run, and not overly pleasant at the time.

So, in the same way that you might, say, actually finish chewing and swallowing one mouthful before moving on to the next, I’m going to try to take a bit of time with some of the writing I’m working on and some of the ideas that are floating about in my head. It doesn’t need to be finished tomorrow. It does have a deadline, of course, but that deadline is a little way away yet.

Right now though, I’m going to go downstairs to see if there’s some chocolate in the cupboard.

~

In case you’re not familiar with the Monday Project, or missed the newest project theme because I’m a bit of a dill and accidentally scheduled it a week early, you can have a look at it here.

Theme: Redux | the monday project

The Monday Project is up and running, as of today! If you’re looking for some inspiration to get yourself started on a creative project of any kind, feel free to play along. We’d love to have you.

More details can be found over here, at the Monday Project site.

Theme: Redux | the monday project.

If you’d like to go on our mailing list (we’ll only contact you at the beginning of each new theme — once a month — or if there’s something really important to tell you), you can email us at themondayproject85@gmail.com.

I’m really excited about the Monday Project starting up again. When we were doing this a couple of years ago, we met some truly wonderful people, and had some fantastic responses to our monthly themes. I’m looking forward to more of the same.

The people in my head

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how many people I have living in my head. Characters, I mean. Fictional ones. Some of them I’ve been getting to know for more than four years now, others I’ve just met.

A few weeks ago I was talking to one of my students about some characters from a story she’s writing, and halfway through my spiel on character development I realised how strange it might sound that I was asking her to let these people live in her head. She noticed my hesitation and called me on it, as teenagers are wont to do, and laughed a lot when I pointed out how crazy I sounded. I’m pretty sure she does think I’m mad (not just because I talk about people living in my head), but she seemed to understand what I was saying about character.

My characters get under my skin. I care about them just almost as much as I do about people in real life. I see them in real-life people — a gesture here, a phrase there. But I don’t think any of my characters are based on a particular person. They become people in their own right.

I often get my students to do writing exercise to help them get to know their characters. I realised the other day that I’m very bad at actually doing these exercises myself. Oops.

One of my favourite character-writing exercises comes from the Voiceworks blog, Virgule.

Answer these questions about your character:

1. What is your character afraid of?
2. What does your character do to de-stress?
3. What makes your character angry?
4. Who was the last person your character talked to on the phone?
5. In what position does your character sleep?

Whenever I give this one to my students they laugh at the last question. Perhaps rightly so — it is an odd question. But odd probably because it’s such an intimate thing to know about someone. I don’t even know what position my brothers or my parents sleep in. I sleep on my back, one leg straight, the other bent so the knee falls out to the side; the hand of the straight leg rests on my belly, the hand of the bent leg out to the side. I don’t seem to have a preference for one side. How do you sleep?

I’ve been thinking a little about some of my characters, and how they might sleep. Have they always slept this way? Does their position change when someone else is in the bed with them? Why do that sleep like that?

And this is why I like this exercise so much. The answers often come automatically (given that these people really do seem to live inside my head), but they bring with them a bunch of other questions.

Rambling… sorry

I’ve fallen off the wagon again. I’ve really struggled to write here regularly now for several months. A few weeks ago (actually, it was only last week, but it seems like ages ago) I went to the Emerging Writers’ Festival Roadshow at the NSW Writers’ Centre and realised, in a session about blogging, why it might be that this blog has virtually fallen into disrepair. One of the panelists, Kathryn Elliot, was talking about how every now and then she needs to take some time away from her blog to work out exactly why she writes on it. I realised that, my previous post aside, I’ve not really done that.

What is this space for me? I know I don’t want to give it away, so why is that? Why is it important to me? What do I want to use it for?

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been asking myself some of these questions and have (thankfully) come up with some answers. I think I’ve been a little afraid of putting too much of myself into this space — something to do with privacy and boundaries, I suppose. I’m quite a private person (I think). I’m the type of person who spends lots of time one-on-one with her friends. I’m perfectly comfortable (these days) in crowded gatherings, but my preference is definitely for smaller ones. In a crowd I’m quiet; one-on-one I’m much more animated. And I guess, somehow, sharing a lot about myself here felt a little like being on display in a crowded room. Of course, that’s all in my head, since I’m sure that most people who read here are people I know and care about in real life (hello Mum and Dad), and those that aren’t are other bloggers with whom I’ve got a long standing blog friendship.

So I’m going to try to think of this space a little more like a small table at a cafe, across which I’m sharing tidbits with one or two others.

Pass the sugar, would you?

The other problem I have with this space is finding regularity. Ha. Actually, that’s a problem I have in my life. I’m an organised person, but I don’t work full-time, I only have a few regular work engagements, and everything else is sporadic or one-off projects. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I love working the way that I do. It comes in particularly handy when I’m sick with a weird heavy-and-tingly-limbed illness like I am this week; I can spend my sick time concentrating on quieter work like transcribing interviews and research reading.

But it does make it awfully difficult to find a routine. Yes, I get up at around the same time every day but Sunday, I have lunch at around the same time each day. Dinner too. But my work is so all over the place that I have no regularity to my writing (keep in mind the writing is why I kick-started this yoga teaching adventure in the first place). I’ve tried doing writing exercises in the morning, but my body and brain are loathe to do it. My mornings are my evenings, so to speak, since much of my teaching work is in the afternoon and evenings. Every part of me is telling me just to relax in the mornings. I don’t know. Maybe I should try starting my working day (at about 11am) with a creative writing exercise. Any thoughts?

Despite my lack of writing routine, I do have several writing projects on the go. One fiction, several non-fiction. A lot of my work on them at the moment seems to be going on in my head, rather than on paper, which I think is a legitimate workspace. But I am hoping they make the switch to pen-on-paper sooner rather than later.

Apologies for the long ramble. Hopefully some regularity in posting will mean I can avoid these kind of epic posts. On that note I’m off to work on some writing, and hopefully I’ll have something more positive to post soon(er rather than later).

If you’ve made it this far in this post, you deserve a treat. Check out the latest Do What You Love post over at Pacing the Panic Room. Now if I could just work out how to work for myself like this amazing lady does…

Direction and disruption

I’ve been quiet here, I know. I’ve been busy with various types of work, I guess, and I can tentatively say that things are starting to move down a path I’m pleased with.

But more than that, I think I’ve been quiet here because I’m not quite sure what to do with this space. I started writing here as a space to share fiction I was working on, just in little bits and pieces. Then I tried to make it a little more about the process of writing and reading. Then motivation and inspiration crept in, closely followed by food and yoga. And now it’s just a completely muddled space, with no real direction. Which, funnily enough, is how my life has been for the last six months or so! Haha…

I’m still struggling with the direction thing. Even though I say that things are moving, slowly, along a path that I’m pleased with, I feel like I should maybe be thinking a little bit more about where I’m stepping next. I want to do so much. I want to write, I want to teach yoga, I want to cook, travel, play music. I want to work with sound again. But how on earth does one fit it all in? How does one find the motivation to be proactive with so many things?

One of my favourite bloggers, Claire, wrote recently about feeling like almost everything she was doing only to a ‘good enough’ level, and I must admit that rang true for me.  Can one person really do everything that I want to do? Does it just take good planning?

A couple of weeks ago I was house-sitting for my parents in Canberra, and it gave me a bit of space. I wasn’t working any of my usual contact hours with students (yoga or otherwise), but I still had quite a long work-to-do list. Part of me wanted to put it aside and really try and nut out some kind of plan for how to move forward. I struggled for a few days, deciding what to do, but eventually I put aside all my work and wrote out some plans. Nothing particularly ordered. I just listed each of the major things I want to do with my life and then rambled on and on underneath the heading until I thought maybe I’d worked out some kind of plan.

Most days I went for a walk with Bert.

And I talked to him. Asked him questions about my life, about the direction I was going in. He just grinned at me and lept up on a ledge or ran off into a bit of long grass, but it was nice to just be able to talk nonsense and not have anyone judging me. (Unless of course there were other people about that I couldn’t see — the spot up behind my parents’ house is pretty secluded.)

At the end of the week I was excited. I had some plans for next year, and it looked as though I was going to be able to do pretty much everything I want to — including travel and more study.

But then I came back to Sydney.

I’d been away for nearly two weeks by this point, and it’s taken me nearly another week to feel settled again. I haven’t been sure what to do with myself, how to fill out my days. It’s a combination of quite a few things that have left me feeling like this, not the least of which is the fact that, even though I’ve got some idea of what I’m going to do next year, I don’t know what I want from the next three months or so.

So I’m not done with thinking and planning yet. I’m hoping it doesn’t take me too much longer to move on from planning to actually doing…

Watch this space!

Do What You Love

Ryan over at Pacing the Panic Room has just launched a series he’s called ‘Do What You Love’. The concept really appealed to me when he first mentioned it some time ago, but when I saw the first episode was about a woman who, among other things, is a yoga teacher I was even more excited about the idea.

Ryan’s a big believer in following your dreams — and he’s an absolute inspiration, really. Check out the first of this series here.

This is cross-posted over at the blog for my yoga website.