Patience

Patience has never been a virtue of mine. At the moment I’m struggling with my lack of it. I’ve (sort of) finished up at work, and one would assume that would give me lots of free time. Not so.

This week I’ve been really busy. I had a (very welcome, by the way) visit from a friend, yoga classes, a brother’s 21st present to finish making, cooking, movies, The Decemberists concert, a night at the Moonlight Cinema. My brothers and some friends were over for dinner on Thursday night, excited about the Big Day Out they were going to be sweating at the following day, then my parents came up to Sydney and I had dinner with them and my aunt, uncle and cousins before we headed off to Foster on Saturday morning for a family holiday. I’m currently lazing about drinking cider and eating cheese and biscuits, so I can hardly complain, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever start with the writing. And I’m getting frustrated.

See? No patience.

On a side note, I picked up this second hand dictionary the other day from some cute kids selling some things outside their house. They told me I looked like I was in high school. Bless. Small salespeople in the making, methinks!

One can never have too many dictionaries.

Change, change, change

In the last week I’ve taken some steps towards making some (rather big) changes in my life. While I was away in NZ I had a lot of time to think, and realised that some things I thought I’d always dream about doing but never actually do, were really quite realistic.

So! To stop talking in an abstract way: I’ve resigned from my full-time job and have enrolled in a yoga teacher training course. I’ve practiced yoga for about five years now, and have always thought vaguely about how wonderful it would be to learn more about it, and to be able to share that knowledge with others. More recently I’ve also starting thinking about how well it might fit with my writing and other more creative pursuits. Writing and teaching yoga like Jodi seems an entirely realistic proposition, really.

Of course, this will mean I need to think about lots of things in my life (like money, and how to make enough to eat and pay rent) completely differently. It’s scary, but the possibilities are also really exciting.

On another note, New Zealand was great! Beautiful country, cheery people. How could anyone be grumpy when their surroundings look like this?

Ahhh… New Zealand. Will you have me back some time?

PS. If anyone has some writing work for me, or even part-time anything work let me know. I like food. It would be good to continue to eat. Seriously. I mean it.

Finish.

On Tuesday I sent off the two short stories I’ve been working on this semester; a little electronic envelope out off into the ether to find my teacher. I’m really looking forward to her feedback.

I’m done at uni for the year, and at work we’re talking about Christmas leave and New Year plans. I can’t believe it’s nearly my birthday all over again, and then suddenly summer will be over and I’ll be loving the autumn leaves.

But I love this time of year. I always start making plans, and making mental lists. I make a list of all the things I’ve done this year, good and bad; and I make a list of things I would like to do in the next year.

For the first time last year I made a list of writing projects I would like to complete, or even just start, as well as the usual life stuff. I’ve started doing the same this year. I’m not sure what it is about the end and beginning of a year that motivates people to do this, but I guess it can’t be a bad thing.

So plans are being hatched. Watch this space.

Expectation

Last night on my way home from class, hyped up from talking about writing, ideas munching around my brain like little caterpillars, I realised that I’m only twenty-three. Well, for two more months anyway. I’m only twenty-three and it’s okay that I am still a bit of a novice writer, it’s okay that I haven’t read and re-read a lot of books that my class mates have. Like my Mum says, I don’t need to be quite so hard on myself.

See, I have these expectations of myself. I forget how old I am, and disregard how I’ve had relatively few years in which to get things done, and I wonder why I’m not more accomplished at certain things. People I meet think I’m older, because I almost think that of myself I guess, and treat me as such, and then I feel like a fraud because I haven’t read all the books they have so I don’t know what they’re talking about. Nor have I re-read my favourite books more than about once, so I have to sit silent as others talk about the different experiences they’ve had with different readings of the same stories.

Add to that the feeling of guilt that I have when I start reading, as if I should be working on, well, something, and you’ve got a very confused twenty-three-year-old hesitating to pick up a book. I’m not sure when this started.  The guilt is only a fairly recent thing. Silly really.

But in realising that I’m only twenty-three, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s stupid of me to think like that. I’ve got years and years ahead of me to read all sorts of things; I shouldn’t beat myself up about what I haven’t read. And I think I can give myself permission to enjoy a book! How liberating.

So I stayed up far too late last night reading ‘The Great Gatsby’ because it dawned on me last weekend that I’ve only ever read about it.  Wonderful to be reading before bed again, but I found it very difficult to get out of bed this morning…

Again, reading

I’ve only just realised that I didn’t actually hit, you know, ‘publish’ when I wrote this. I’m clearly a computer genius. This is a post I wrote about the Saturday of the National Young Writers’ Festival.

The first session I attended on Saturday was called ‘When You Were Young’ and featured a number of Young Adult (YA) writers talking about books they read as children, and how those books influenced their writing. Philip Gwynne, Margo Lanagan, James Phelan and Christine Hinwood made up the panel, with Bethany Jones facilitating.

Reading. It’s important to read. Read fiction. I left this session wanting again to get lost in a book, like I did as a child, to find another world. Childhood reading is something entirely different to reading as an adult. It’s less analytical, less cynical. No less thoughtful though, I think. Childhood reading is all about imagination, about questions and wonderment. I think that adult writing can be like that too. At least I want to think it can be like that. Perhaps that’s what I was nostalgic for when I watched that man reading a book on the train platform.

Discussion moved (probably inevitably) to the occasional tendency for young adult and children’s fiction towards being overly didactic. I actually think adult fiction can be like that too, and I find it incredibly irritating. I try (the operative word here) to remember when I’m writing that readers will expect to do some work themselves, and to be able to make their own decisions about whether a character or situation is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Children are capable of that too, and I sometimes wonder if people forget that.

The best books for me as a child were those that just presented a situation and the ideas that came along with that; presented multiple views on an event or person, and let me think about it myself. Possibly there were subtle pushes towards a particular conclusion, but they were just that: subtle. I loved stories that captured my imagination, and if they inadvertently taught me something about the world then great. It was interesting (though not surprising) to hear the writers on this panel say that, when they write, the story itself is what they think about, not its potential to teach someone something. Margo Lanagan in particular was quite passionate about the idea that children are capable of complicated thought and a story that encourages questions simply because it has presented an interesting (or disturbingly intriguing, as the case is with much of Lanagan’s writing) situation is not a bad thing.

James Phelan mentioned that reading to children when they are very young is important. Big tick for my parents. I remember Dad reading me The Hobbit as a five-year-old. I’m fairly certain that would not have been the starting point! My youngest brother is seven years younger than I am, so I got to see more of his coming to reading. ‘The Hungry Caterpillar’ and ‘Whose Legs Are These?’ were two favourites that I was able to revisit in reading to him.

My all-time favourite childhood book though was ‘The BFG’. I felt an affinity with the main character. No, I was not an orphan girl who was taken away by a friendly giant. But I was a seven-year-old girl with glasses named Sophie when I first read it (I haven’t changed my name, no, but I am a fair bit older than that now, and have invested in contact lenses). My year two teacher let me read parts of ‘The BFG’ out loud to the class.

I really must find an old copy of that book again.

What did everyone else read as a child?

Workshopping

I’ve got more to write about my weekend at TiNA and the National Young Writers’ festival, but I feel the need to write about this now. So please excuse the interruption.

I’ve explored this before. I know many people have had horrible, scarring workshopping experiences, but I absolutely love them. My writing would either be incredibly crap or take about five times longer to produce if it weren’t for the regular opportunities I get to have other people read my work and give me feedback. Usually I know, somewhere deep down, what’s going wrong in a piece but it helps to have someone else articulate it for me. Sometimes though, like tonight, I know there’s something wrong, but I’ve no idea what it is. I spend far too many moments in my life thinking about it, rolling it around and around in my head to no avail. Those of you who’ve read some of my writing will be aware that it’s not always the most sunny and uplifting experience, so it can be quite distressing to have it kicking about in there.

Tonight I’ve workshopped something that I’ve been writing for about a month. Last month’s Monday Project helped me further some parts of it (I’ll put the result up here and there shortly). I’d finished the first draft but I was really at the point where I needed someone to be honest with me.

And therein lies the potential problem with workshopping, I think. Firstly, honesty can be difficult to hear; but, and perhaps more importantly, it can be difficult to give. Some people don’t want to hurt your feelings, so they hold back; others don’t care how you feel, or at least don’t know how to put the word ‘constructive’ into practice. I’ve found, though, that if you go into a workshop knowing that you don’t have to listen to everyone (or even anyone) it’s much easier to listen well. I’m certainly not always good at this! (Or giving feedback…)

I’m interested to know, from those of you who don’t get feedback from others about your writing or other output, what process do you use to work through the inevitable sticky points?

I’m going to try to be good

So I’ve been pretty useless with updating this blog. I always say I’m going to, and then I never get around to doing it.

But I’m going to say, again, that I’m going to try to be good and update it regularly. Occasionally I might be sneaky and do shared posts with the Monday Project. But mainly, I’ll try to update this space with tidbits about writing and reading. I might even post a few pieces of fiction here again.

In that vein, today I finished the first draft of a short story I’ve been working on for a little while now. It’s got a long way to go, but the first draft is always the hardest bit. I’m hoping to do a lot more work on it this week, and have something that I’m comfortable presenting in class next week. We’ll see!

Next weekend I’m headed up to Newcastle to go to the This Is Not Art festival, of which the National Young Writers’ Festival is part. I’m excited about, well, almost all of the events! I’m hoping to catch up with a few people, including Miss Literary Minded, and a number of friends of mine who live in Newcastle.

I’ll try to be good and post some about it!